A Season For Everything

You know those days where you feel like they drag on forever and you wonder if you’ll ever get through it? Like, I remember the first few newborn months. Days where I felt like I was never going to sleep again. Ever. And then things would slowly start to click. The baby would nap or take a little longer stretch at night. I remember with Lizzie that I felt like her 30 minute cat naps would be the norm and one day she took two naps for an hour and a half each. She pretty much does this every day now. Anyway, my mom has always told me that “this too shall pass” during all those pull your hair out, scream into your pillow moments and quoted one of my favorite verses from the Old Testament: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) 

 A few days ago it hit me like a ton of bricks. Lizzie and I were looking at books. She isn’t an avid book lover like her brother, but she grabbed a book I hadn’t touched in probably a year. It was one that I have had memorized forever because Brecken wanted to read it 85 times a day—that is not really an exaggeration. My mind instantly remembered those days, ones that seemed to drag on and I actually felt sad they were gone. Brecken is three and Lizzie is one. So basically tomorrow they’re going to college. Each stage with kids has its benefits and challenges and we are getting to the point where we get to sleep at night and our kids can eat and play somewhat independently. We are also to the phase of tantrums, time outs, and fighting over toys. It hit me how fast this season of life as a mom of young kids is passing by.

I will be completely honest and say that I did not savor or enjoy the first several months of Brecken’s life. I loved being his mom and him. I really struggled with post partum depression and it brought my lifelong anxiety to a whole new level. I was also still teaching. Once I got help for my depression and anxiety, it helped. A lot. When I was able to sleep a little more, I felt even better.  I hated being away from him and missing those little moments. Sometimes I just felt disconnected. For me, the day I was able to stay home was the day I started to really enjoy motherhood. That sounds awful as I type it. I just struggled as a new mom and always felt like I was just barely keeping my head above water. With Lizzie, I made it a point to slow down and because I was home, I didn’t miss those little extra bonding moments that I had with Brecken. I was able to give both my kids consistency. Now I know many working moms who handle new baby life way better than I did. I envy you! Each story is different and one day I may rejoin the ranks of working outside the home. For now, this is my season at home. 

I look back on some of the different seasons I have had: high school, college, married life with no kids, first baby, and now staying home with two. I wish I could help that girl avoid bangs or feeling less than because of fear of what others might think. I’m grateful for all the experiences I was able to have. I laugh at how I used to think I was tired before kids and I really can’t remember what I did with all that free time?! All I know now is that I am striving each day to be present. In the moment. Love on my kids and enjoy them at each stage. It’s a blessing and a curse, this whole growing up thing. 

I guess I just needed a reminder that there is a season for everything and I am going to enjoy them.